Wednesday, October 03, 2007
warning: this is an EXTREMLY selfish post.so, however you so accidentally stumbled upon this, do not read it for your own good.









i don't get it. death is something that is a part of life. we gotta accept it. some ppl cant. they live in the past, not realising that their emoness affects the PRESENT nad the ppl they know NOW. yes you. you didnt even KNOW your grandmother that well. and it was no shock. you know it wasnt. you were expecting her to go for three freaking months. and then when it happens, you forget hte whole world exists, completely STOP tlakin to me and then expect me to think its all ABSOLUTELY normal and to continue acting the same towards you after that. 2 weeks is no joke. you didnt even warn me. just. stopped. talking. and you think i can take that lightly? screw you dude. you arent that great. and the world stops for NO ONE.


i beleive it. and you do too, im very sure, that its the little things that count. one big thing cant surpass what a milion little things can bring and do. just an sms. just ONE sms. so that when i wake up i know im not forgotten, like what has recently been happening with everyone else. and OH the irony. my sms was saying THANK you for not ignoring me. and what happens? not a single reply. i know. i know. its hard. its a very hard time. in a way. but. but. its over and done with. you want the past to affect the present and the future? one sms. thats ALL i ask. is it too much? tooo much to ask to feel loved? to feel needed? and not ignored? or its supposed ot be one way isit?

im the one saying it all, and you just receive it? i know you say it back. sometimes. it must have been pretty hard on you. all you said was. Na. Nah. Na. in every single sms. it hurts. it really does. and i know youre gonna ask me whats wrong if i continue not to talk to you. but i dont know how to say it. its sefish. i know it is. i said so in the beginning. its selfish but i dont want you to suddenly decide to discard me cos of someone going away. it really does hurt. i know. im bloody over sensitive. go on. SAY it. i DARE you to. tell it to me. in my face . join the rest of the effing bunch of ppl who tell me that. you dont GET it . no one does.



my whole effing life was spent trying to make good friendships. trying. never really succeeding. i dont trust ppl. its HARD for me to trust ppl. cos i KNOW that theyre gonna hrut me. like now. perfect example aint it? i trust you. sigh. ive got no energy to tell you. none at all. im so tired of life and i feel like crying. ok i am crying. but like you care? no. im selfish. yes yes. i know. and if you see htis youre gonna call and ask me why i never told you. do you HONSETLY want to hear this from me when youre tryign to get over someone passing away?



i wouldnt. which is why. im not telling you. and im trying to suppress my selfish ness. i dont want to be selfish. im trying to stop being selfsh. so im not gonna tell you cos then its like im insisting and that wld be me being selfish and not thinking of everyting from you pt of view.


but it relaly does hurt. would one sms killyou? honestly? :'(