Wednesday, May 17, 2006
i realise that the past never leaves you and even if you learn from ur mistakes it decides to come along and catch up with you anyhow altho u thought taht the choice you made was a good one. i had.. actually i still have. a frend who kinda bosses me around and basically makes everything go her way. and for some reason i follow like afool and do waht she says. so anyhow. what happens is taht i start a WHOLE new life in a new school but for some reason i find that i just made a friend who is like the previous/or current one. she calls, i come. she tells i do. she pulls i follow.everything. and it is starting to suck. cos i just realised that today. and i HATE the feeling of being pulled around like a PUPPY dog on a leash. and it is annoying... really annoying. why do i get pushed around so EASILY? well it has been like that since.. k2.. so.. i suppose old habits die hard.. ah well.



i realise that the past never leaves you and even if you learn from ur mistakes it decides to come along and catch up with you anyhow altho u thought taht the choice you made was a good one. i had.. actually i still have. a frend who kinda bosses me around and basically makes everything go her way. and for some reason i follow like afool and do waht she says. so anyhow. what happens is taht i start a WHOLE new life in a new school but for some reason i find that i just made a friend who is like the previous/or current one. she calls, i come. she tells i do. she pulls i follow.everything. and it is starting to suck. cos i just realised that today. and i HATE the feeling of being pulled around like a PUPPY dog on a leash. and it is annoying... really annoying. why do i get pushed around so EASILY? well it has been like that since.. k2.. so.. i suppose old habits die hard.. ah well.


Monday, May 15, 2006
ok so some people say shit happens. well it seems to me that its happening a bit too much now adays. wad is worng with everyone?? no wia.t maybe its just me. yeah. you know wad? its just me.. yeah. extremely the fact that its just me. oh follow up on previous post. yeah. i got ur pic man. and many more. so more than i bargained for but it doesnt really help. considering the fact that it makes it realy hurt deep down inside because of that. and i think im becoming boring. not good enuf anymore eh? ill betcha thats wad goes thro your mind.. uh huh. yeah. am pissed. really pissed. the world is screwy and it likes to screw around wif me. thinks its hilarious eh? well its not. people have FEELINGS and i know im one hell of a cold emotionless person, i do have feelings. then a gain i dont think i care anymore. who can care? wif ppl like that about.. wad to say? its liek a vaccuum. it SUCKS and no.. wait sucks isnt strong enuf.. it deserves to be crushed and smashed and smushed and torn up and blown up until some one can cry and scream in agony. its like mental torture to someone so that i can inflict damn pain on someone and be real morbid and sadistic about it.. thats wad i want to do right now. inflict pain on someone who DESERVES IT. i can think of many many people... make em suffer for everything theyve made others suffer for.

on TOP of that. the world is unfair. really infair. WHY do people who DONT deserve to suffer end up sufferring for NOTHING. y does he have to have a freaking tumour? why? that makes it TWO people with damn illnesses that could be terminal. TWO its like my life is a nightmare. like really. or im just a jinx. a really bad jinx. really bad. it SUCKS. and NOTHING can help it. hah. now its really getting all pissy and emoish aint it. gosh damn the EFFING world. blank blank blank. blanks for feelings that are too strong they dont have much of a word to describe it. nothing to say other than that. will try adn do something. productive or unproductive. who knows?



life is really really funny. i know this has been mentioned before but i mean it all teh time. haha. when someone gives u something so unexpected, it makes me feel that it really was fromt eh bottom of their hearts. did i ever tell you that feeling missed is a great GREAT feeling? like melted marshmellows. i mean, its not supposed to feel good. but when u find out from someone that they know this other person happens to miss you, and u happen to miss taht person as well, well, it kinda makes u feel great cos u know someone out there is thinking of you. i mean, i dunno. u noe what i mean? its kinda hard to explain. and this frend of mine was telling me that she was talking to this other person and could tell that he was smiling throught the phone.. when she told him taht i missed him. sigh. ahha. ok. must stop day dreaming. i hate it when things like this happens. i dont know what it is that i hate. but the whateeveritis, i dont like it when it happens.dont question. i have no idea. ahha. ok i hate these funny feelings i get. like im gonna burst if i dont scream for joy. then. of course i cant scream for joy. so what do i do? i bounce up and down in my seat. spastic retarded me.what to do. i hate infatuation things. they never last and there is no POINT in having them in teh first place. so why have it? going through it is tormentous and riddiculous.i took a really long time going home today so taht i could think throught my life of 17years. nothing interesting really happened in my life and its full of lots of one sided heartbreaks. so im wondering why bother? the problem is the fact that i cant seem to AVOID it. its like when u see taht person u want to blow up like a balloon and fly away like on cloud 9. see now thats how they came up with the name for the feeling. haha. oh gosh. faces appear and i think through lots of people but that one image keeps reappearing in my mind, and i cant get u out of my HEAD. its annoying and time consuming but at the same time such a WONDERFUL feeling. its liike sometimes i wish i could bottle up moments and keep them so i can view it over and over again. like tahts gonna happen. hah. ah well. to have a bit of u as a rememberance is enuf. but i still need a photo. and i will get it.:D


Tuesday, May 09, 2006
well, they say when ur down there, like really really down there, the only way to go is up. and it seems kinda true. lfe is definitely looking up. like looking REALLY up. which is kinda cool cos i thought i'd go down further than down. so anyway my new frend did NOT ditch m as i thought. i swear im a paranoid freak. like really paranoid. i should stop it.. and well teh really good frend, well that is still to be sortted out. the script utterly changed but this new thing i did was accepted with an applause from thr freaking teachers so thats ok now.. tomorrow is my bdae. i was born at 3.53 in the morning, here in singapore being teh afternoon so well, ill be out when it happens. i wonder if ill explode? kinda cool if taht happened. ah well. im still trying to figure out life but an sms from a frend kinda cheered me up. advice from people who have been thro it definitely helps. don't worry be happy. one of teh most famous lines in teh world but the full impact of the meaning doesnt stike u down like lightning until u really need those words. then its kinda nice to have someone tell you that when u need it. when everything is in despair. i realised being optimistic makes everyone feel better. ok. i think id like a balloon. or a sunflower. that would be nice. i can survive. i noe it. only i dont know how long its gonna last me..


Friday, May 05, 2006
just when you think everything in ur life is starting to look up, it decides to come crashing down on you, every last one of them. a real good frend gets as far away as possible. a new frend ditches u. a script you took hours and hours to prepare gets rejected and everything you thought mattered doesnt matter anymore. wads teh point? gosh its all demoralising. ya get pushed about to do this and taht without anyone caring about what I want.. or what I feel. waht the POINT? its annoying and completely bitchyfying. just feel like giving up or running away to some deserted planet where i neednt worry about what others will think or what the consequnces of my actions are. not possible on this freaking world. plans that were made a MONTH ago are suddenly changed because people just decide to change their minds. its NOT fair or JUST. but do people CARE? hell NO. they do not CARE about otheres. so right nowim wondering why should I care about them NOW? hmmmm???!?!?!! gimme one good reason for CARING for people who dont care for ME. its annoying and stupid!