Wednesday, November 29, 2006
have you ever felt sick. as in. really sick. to teh stomach. that. if you open urmouth. you know. you will throw up? and. its not really the food. its the thought. the thoguht that after so long. your worst fears are confirmed. and you know ur screwd. you know. after so long of worrying and crying over it. you finally take the leap. and fall. badly. VERY badly. and. no one else seems to notice. but. well. you can tell they suspect. cos. you DONT fit in. not one little bit. you dont understand anything theyre talking about. not one little bit. you dont know teh ppl they know. you dont understand their lingo. andyou sure as hell cant TALK to them. cos. well. firstly. they wont listen. its their own world. and secondly. anything you say wont interest them. cos. like. you dont know wad to say. so. you end up being that one extra person. and. everything. is from the outsider view.a nd you feel all damn cold inside. and for once. you know that you really dont belong. never had and never will. and it really just. cracks. breaks your heart. no matter HOW bloody hard you try. it just onwt work. and. i just feel like.crying. but. mostly. running away. seroiusly. from a father that constricts who you go out with. from a mother who. will always draw you back.. supposrting father. from a sister who.. wants you to be there when. i dont WANT to. its called selfishness. i have a rather large dose of it. i am a selfish prat. so ill say whad ever i want. i want to run away from frends who want you to conform. from frends who you envy everytime you look at them. from frends who wont listen. from frends who want to hold you back. back to wad i dont know. they just do. from the whole freaking world who wont allow you to do wat you want. from frends who just love rubbing ur nose in it. from frends who you THINK are god damn frends but you realise they arent. from ppl i cant talk to to. from ppl i have to pretend to be hapy with.from ppl i unintentionally hurt half the time. from ppl who expect so much from me. from ppl who expect ANYTHIGN from me.ru n away and just lie still. very still. not moving. and daring everybody to change it. and just sit and cry. no need for anyone to expect me to NOT cry. cos. id be able to do ANYTHIGN i want. i feel so SICK.dry mouth.scorcing dry. a tummy doing flip flops and jumping up and down.. wishing everything cld just DISAPPEAR. scared i mihgt do something i really regret. really really regret. get lost in a world. a ficitcious world. where i dont know anyone. and if anything happened to me. i wldnt give a damn. no one else wld give a damn. cos its MY life. its MY FREAKING LIFE. i can SCREAM all the bloody hell i want to. so effing annoying. its like SCREW u you batard get lost. kind of thing. who cares? no one does. i dont. i just want to get away from this al.false hopes . and know ing things i CANT have when thyre rite there. thye really SUCK.


Monday, November 20, 2006
for the love of god. does it REALLY take that much of your time to tell me that there is a meeting tmw or sumfin? but NOOOOoooo.. either you honestly cant be bothered or your too caught up in ur own world. well then. FINE. i dont know why i should put in my time and energy and actually DO things while you cant be even bothered to tell me tehre we are meeting . i am so bloody FURIIOUS withh you. why dont. YOU . go to HELL. i dont really mind. im sure you dont either. cos you are so GOOD at giving everyone else HELL. too. bloody idito. prob is i dont know who is REALLY to blame but i know its either YOU or YOU. bother complete SODS in your own dimesion. go to hell. you want my help?i give it. but do me a freaking favour. TELL me when we meet . and give me the EFFIGN rite time.otherwise. go screw urselves.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006
DEFINE tomboy:

A tomboy is a girl who behaves according to the gender role of a boy. This typically includes various things:

Wearing non-feminine clothes.
Enjoying games, interests, and activities (often physical, such as running, jumping, climbing trees and sports like soccer and baseball) that are often considered to be the domain of boys.
Preferring school subjects often considered to be the domain of boys, like mathematics and science.
Preferring to befriend boys more than other girls.

which bloody part of this says that i cant talk about Love? you oh great person. with your bloody ex and current. why pick on me? HUH? erguh. you make no sense. at all. and you.. erguh i cant be bothered. anymore. who CARES. you got frends? no. you know why? i dont either. you got ahrdly any gd freneds in ur LCASS. ou nv hang out with ur clas. so dont go picking on other ppl. see.toldya i was a bitch.you arent that bad. only. you really can be MEAN.



oh this is precious. in ur face man. in UR FACE. sheesh. arugh.

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

this is sad. i feel depressed. am feeling depressed.listenign to this song on my other blog. my alter ego. my teach says that im schizo. ado is the nice one. nara is evil. means that this blog is nara. only. nara is a boring name. sigh. actually. if.. aha ok nvm. this song, love on the internet. it is depressing me. my tummy is tightening. i am feeling like im the singer and my heart got broken. i got a frend. she has linked her blog to this ex of hers. and on his blog. hes got all these apology msg. i feel like i am him.like iknow how he feels. depressed. and torn. inside. only i SHOULDNT feel like this. its not like i am going thru anything horrible now. i just. feel. feel for him.for the singer guy and for that ex. yet i got my own special frend. this is ridiculous. i like the tune ofteh song. only now, its gonna have a negative conotation to it. dammit. i really screw things up. sigh. its sad. i try going thru life, kidding myself taht its all okay and my life is NORMAL. only its not. i dont FIT in. i just dont FIT in. i dont have an ipod or mp3 player. i dont live in a condo or private apartement. my parents dotn own a car. big deal yeah i know. only. it does make a diff. its sad ppl expect me. they EXPECT me to be something im NOT. and they KNOW that it is stupid. shoot. now im depressing myself big time. sigh. i sometimes wonder. what wld life be like, if i grew up schooling in SAS. if i lived on 6th aveue. if my family owned a car. if i made frends with goth dudes and sk8boarders and wad crap. if i was a bimbo. if i went clubbing. if i was a party freak. if. if alot of things. sigh. i dont know. i need tto.. i need to cry. oh dear. i dont want to. damn. im mood swinging again. shoot. sometimes, i wonder if i had very lax parents. if i had a maid. if.. oh brother. if i wasnt ado ado ado ado. silly. stupid. I DONT WANT TO BE ME. i hate me. me. erguh. i want just for ONCE to feel that i fit in. i dont . damnit. ppl STAER cos of my hair. they all thin ki dont belong.p pl think im rich. wad the hell. they think why hte HELL does this gurl live in a HDB? ok. why doesnt she have a maid? why does she saty at home? why doesnt she come party and get shagged and drunk with us? why doesnt she do this. do taht. why not? ok. fine. fine. FINE. thy emight NOT think it. but they sure LOOK it. they look like thyere thinking it. and it HURTS. cos wehn i see ppl doing all that stuff. or i heaer them. i htink. why cant i be there? what does god wants me to do. wad does he want me to be? so. life goes on. and that life is left behind. now i have my own life. rep and al that crap. and i thnk. ok. new life. ppl dont EXPECT ANYMORE. and NOW i find out. they want me to be FUNNY. HAPPY. HYPER. WEIRD. LAUGHING. ALL TE TIME. what the FREAK is thyer problem. i am human. i have other feelings. i can be depressed and down and just down rite boring dsometimes. why do you PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE ON ME. and then. you knwo wad tehy say. DO YOU KNOW WAD THEY FREAKING SAY? we NV put pressure on you. you put it on urself.youre self preassuring yourself its not OUR falut. wad ever you freaking idiots. and DONT rub it in. i HATE. it. all. adgslbnq35oiyqhywelkhn. i really do. sigh. i want my own hse. my own. room. i want alot of things. but i m never gonna get em. cos. cos. im different. different. wadever. wad-freaking-ever. make my life depressed. go ahead. sigh. wanna see if i care? well i DO. i like to talk. i like to interact the MINUTE it cahnges. it DOES affect me. WHY. do you do it? you SAY one thing. yet you DO naother. and its ANNOYING. sometimes. shit. you lead hte life i want. i cant STAND IT that i really am a freaking bitch taht is jealous and envioius of others lives. i cant stand the truth. its worse than teh envy. bloody hell. thanks for ruining my life buster. you did one HELL of a job. i hate. i hate mylife. i hate. well. yeah. sometimes . i hate you. but. oh rite. ODNT take it PERSONALLY. sheesh. its nt yOU. oh no. its your LIFE. yolur character. its YOU. bloody hell. get LOST.