Saturday, October 21, 2006
you make me wanna cry all the time.sometimes i think that maybe ill be less miserable without you around. then. you can see the light that its an impossible feat. cos without you id be lost in this huge world. only .right now i feel like that is already happening. you dont seem to pay any attention to me. why do i even bother. gosh. really hate it rite now. i dont hate you. i hate the way you treat me. i promised myself in the past that i wouldnt ever have any guy problem crap and all that. and now look what ive gotten myself mixed up with. anything you say is so damn easily contradicted by everything you do. i just feel like sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. then again. i dont need to feel like doing it cos im doing it rite now. you really confuse me. i HATE emotions. i wish i was cold hard and unfeeling. then i wouldnt have to bother about ANYONE. then NOBODY can hurt me. this is exactly the kind of thing i tried to AVOID in the past. friendships.all that ever happens is that ill get hurt. over and over and over again. and look wads happening now? the exact same thing. my heart is breaking at least five times again. that silly retreat ddint help in teh least. i just got ignored more and more by you. why oh why do i bother. this is infuriating. i love you so MUCh but you dont.erguh.why are you like that? and i cant even talk to anyone. SHE is an idiot. she noes alot bout us or wads nots but im not talking to her even if my life depended on it. i cant talk to my mom. shell think im blowing the whole thing up. and every OTHER god damn person thinks im a funny cheerful jolly LIVEWRIE of a person. im NOT. damn you all. im NOT. i dont in the least feel happy.at all. the entire retreat i was MISERABLE. i wish i didnt go.or. maybe it would have been better if YOU hadnt gone. erguh.damn it all. i feel so CONFUSED and IRRITATED. and. erguh.