Sunday, April 30, 2006
wheee! i'm quite happy today. it's a holiday and i'm almost done with my homework! yay! and we are going out to visit some place. don't know where but i hope it gonna be fun. yesterday was cool and really great. if everyone could be satisfied with the smallest of things, everyone would be a lot more happier. i had a doughnut for desert after dinner and we were walking home when it occured to me that doughnuts make me happy. abd that the smallest of things can make me happy. which i suppose is good.:D i bought this bundle of wire in switzerland the last time and i was so excited and started bending and making all these different shapes. and i love glitter cos then i can decorate cards and letters! yay! i think i feel the most happiest now in one of the longest times. having really good friends really helps as well. :D frends from aussie and frends from school. i never though that a few words of encouragement can really bring me to a high but i suppose it can cos, hey look at me! im high on happiness. at least i think its happiness. i might be disillusioned. hahahaha. maybe and maybe not. one thing i love is when pepl appreciate you and what you do. the other thing i love is to laugh. i read this article about this guy who said that girls don't have much of a humor. hmmm.. i need to look about tomorrow.:D and spy .. hahaha. and guys never usually laugh at wad girls do or say. its always the other way around. mayb i can change that perception.hmmm.. my mom siad that to be funny, you gotta be comfortable with ppl around you and the environment and most of all making fun of your self. am i a funny person? i dont know.. hmmm. laughter is the best medicine. and its true. oh and this guy he was saying that his mates were laughing at him cos he was looking for a gurl who could make him laugh. hahaha. i htink that makes a lot of sense tho. i love people who can make me laugh. they are funn and.. and droll. ahha cool.ah well. he was saying that if you find that one gurl who can make you laugh really hard and is nice overall, dont lose her. better take note of this:D


Saturday, April 29, 2006
it sucks. it really sucks. it brings to mind one of the first few days in sec 3 where my geography teacher was telling us about this girl who wrote in her english journal taht she felt like a spare tyre. that her frineds only talked to her when they had no one else to talk to. and she was very depressed. im starting to feel spare tyreish as well. lets see. first three months. had a goodish friend. but she had her issues and everyone was her friend so i didn't have like one good friend. or at least a group i could call a close one. then we split classes for the second intake and a girl from my class in sec school and first intake was like, 'ok ill sit with you and be ur new frend' cos her previous close frend had to transfer to another school. so cos hse needed me, spare tyre not anymore. but in class, i can't hang out with the rest of the guys, cos i can't fit in. i just can't. im always teh excess and the one people remember later. just depressing and like a VACCUUM. sucks.

gosh. i really hate it when people can't keep their promises. but half the time it;s not their fault. but it really really sucks when it happens. this sad sinking feeling. adn that's why i HATE making promises. cos i can't keep em. or more like im scared i can't keep em. im a scaredy cat deep down inside. adn because i dont make promises, people think i cant be committed and then they get teh impression that im snobbish and aloof. ahh well. i really cannot be bothered rite now. let them think what tehy want to think. i just feel like sitting down and crying.

actually, im already sitting down. and the silly tears are brimming over. i just found out this guy i noe has lukemia. oh gosh. i dont know how to express wad im thinking. no words. i wathced harry potter and the goblet of fire. and i am feeling this sense of dread like what i felt when cedric died. losing someone very close to u really huts when the person has to leave to go somewhere. but it is beyond agony and pain wehn the person dies and leaves for good. y do they hav taht expression? gone for good? its not good when teh person goes. its like when people say good bye. its not good. there is no fair in farewell either. gosh the english language is weird. it doesnt make sense. why do some people have to leave us and why does teh feeling of lonliness always is so over bearing. why cant we all be happy people? if only i could hug the whole world. everyone needs a hug. right now, i really need one too. oh gosh. hugs really can make one feel better. and wehn u need on u never get one sigh. if only the world wasn't so depressing...


Thursday, April 27, 2006
gosh i think god made life to be a rollercoaster ride for everyone in that persons life. it's horribly annoying. and the stupid freaking hormones that each teenager has. why cant life be simple and sweet without having stupid crushes. everytime i make friends with guys.. it always has to go from 'crushing' then to great frend. for some odd reason, i never can just be good frends with them from the BEGINNING. and its worse when u meet this great GREAT person, and, most obviously, fall hard.. HARD for him. really annoying. its the same process over and over and OVER agina. except for a few exceptions.. well sometimes.. but even then.. u simply adore the guy cos hes like a big brother or a really good brother. or something like taht.for me, well, thats only happened, like, what? once? yeah. once. for others, if they dont end up being a great frend, i never did fall for them in the beginning. they're just. frends. good frends. but not GREAT .definition of great? frends u talk with laugh with .. and complain to. oh especially laugh with. i LOVE to laugh.. and so says tickle, i will fall for the class clown. sigh. maybe cos i'm too much of a class clown myself. opposites may attract but birds of a feather stick together. ah the irony of life. life must be a jigsaw puzzle, its the only way to explain why everything is confusing, why i am certain i must have freakin mood swings half the time. its like i need to get over the obstacle of falling before i can be frends without having the nagging feeling of, ooo gosh he's so nice and all that crappified swooning i wish i didnt do but i do.. seriously, all taht is excess stuff we can do without. then again, i noe we'll all have this little empty feeling in our tummys where love must reside. that little spot above our diaphram but below our heart. thats where love stays usually the love of that special person fills it up till it overflows and runs through you like a choochoo train at 500km/h making you feel all hot and warm but fuzzy as well cos at taht speed the choochoo train creates a tingly feeling and sensation.:D gosh its a great feeling. like ur needed and he will always be there when ever you need him no matter what happens. so comfy and snuggy. ahh well, the real qn is always whether that perosn is THE person for you. an annoying question. if only there was thisone person we could always go to and teh preson could give us the answers to whatever we wanted to noe. that would be so useful. but then, we wouldn't have any experiences and then there would be no hidden meaning to life. and . well. life would be horribly boring. ok maybe that wasnt such a good idea.:P i give up. a complete jigsaw puzzle as well as a maths formula that doesnt make sense. yeah. thats life.


Tuesday, April 25, 2006
i've got this funny feeling in my tummy. not an empty feeling but a squishy, sweet, sick feeling. and it's eating into my brain. i'm getting fuzzy and headachy. heartbreak is kinda hard to go through. when you face the truth, you feel like slapping yourself for not stopping long time ago. you knew you knew it then but for some odd reason you didn't stop but let it go on. and now when it decides to come slamming into your face, u cant blame anyone but yourself. adn the best part is that you cant do anything about it. it finally occurs to me that they call it heartbreak for a reason, cos it really feels like your heart is being ripped out of your body, then it is pulled apart into two and what is left is shredded till nothing is left but the ache and pain of the freaking process. and i can't think of anything else because nothing can change the topic cos the feeling is always there. it consume mind and body all the time. and gets worse by the second. now it feels feverish and the prickly goosebump feeling all over your neck and forehead and under your hair. weird but its happening. and on top of that, i can feel my body temperature rising. gosh i feel all hot and bothered. annoying and sickening. why oh why can't the feeling just go away? why can't heartbreak be easier?

this so reminds me of this episode in sabrina the teenage witch. she had to find someone who has never been heartbroken before to reverse this spell cast on harvey i think. but basicall, she couldn't find ANYONE whose heart had never been broken. even salem's(the cat) heart was broken cos the ppl in the restaurant kicked him out adn didn't give him fish. so what she learnt was that everyone has had their heart broken before, only some, like stupid me, can get mine broken oh so easily and oh so commonly half the time. why? human nature. or... it's just a very me thing to do. adn depressing songs don't help. especially the songs i'm listening to now. not in the least. reminds me of other sad sad times. im getting my self worse in teh dumps. this is not good. i should stop. i will stop. hmm...



life is rotten. when we are thrown all the way down, they say there is no where to go but up.. they forget that it is possible to go down further by creating a huge dent in the ground and start tunneling. that's where my life is heading right now. down down deeper than the realms of sanity. how do people survie? you don't. you just go with what happens and try to find a possible tunnel out of it...



The three little words
Can change someone’s life
Between death or living
Between kindness and strife
To the happiest of all
From the saddest of the blues
Those three little words
The ‘I Love You’s


Monday, April 24, 2006
when the world around you crumbles, there's no one else to look to but yourself. especially when no one cares about you but you.