Thursday, June 22, 2006
they say the strongest people need the most support cos they only end up acting strong. its kindof sad actually but EXTREMELY true... i console ppl. i do these little things but when something happens to me id rather suffer in silenc.e and even when im going trho a tough time i still send lil notes to others who are down.oh brother.. somethimes i dont know why i BOTHER.they dont seem to care. so why do i do it? maybe in hopes for someting better to come out of it in the future.ooo i could smack myself.i think i will. hoobastank the reason is really good. it means a LOT. oh by the way. im so GLAD things were solved with you. but u? u other maniac j2.. hmm i really dont know. just stay away from me and then maybe u can sort r feelings out. and im NOT included.. got that?


Wednesday, June 21, 2006
ok life currently sucks.aunty sook chin passed away on the 17th of may. may u rest in peace and god be with u. we all love u very much and we keep u in our prayers every nite.

soemone else is dying. bloody hell. and i WONT desert u. never ever. i may be stupid sometimes. i may not like to get clse. but i am LOYAL and i dont giv ea damn as long as i can have u here for as long as possible. if anythin else happens im throwing my self off a clif. no point staying one any more. esp when everyone around yuo is DYING. thisis not HELPING.

but in a funny way i feel happy. ive got frends i love dearly i wish they were related ot me. even though soemof them BREAK their promises.haha.i will jump if anything else happens. cos EVERYTHING is my fault. im a bloody JINX. oh boy.soemthing alwasy happens around me.bleah. cant stand it.


Monday, June 12, 2006
i have commitment issues man. i really do. i have commitment issues with frends. i really do. i cannot be really good frends with anyone. why? simple. bad experince. they say you learn from your mistakes. i sure did. i cant rrust anyone. i realised a few days ago that i've been very introvert with my feelings my whole life. people never really know how i feel cos i never tell them. cos i dont TRUST them. i cant really trust anyone. never have and never will. so how can you be committed to something when you cant trust ANYONE? exactly, very hard. so thus i have COMMITTMENT issues.

ive gone through 2 traumatic frendships. and they werent pleasant. i now currently have my best bestest of teh bestes frends and that was only after 4 years of struggling.so. like. i wontbe making any really good frends really soon. you might think your close.hell i might even treat you as close. but inside? im pushing you away. unintetionally of course. its called internal struggles.but mayb it is intentional. i dont know. but i really dont mean it.especially if i really care abot you man. hahahahhahahha. ah wells. c'est la vie.



when i said NEVER make frends with a j2 guy, i MEANT it. j2 guys are like, seriously, DEMEANING and they dont seem to give a damn that when you're OUT with them, the LEAST they could do is give you just a LITTLE bit of attention. you did after all ASK me to come and meet up with you. and i BOTHER coming all teh way down and what happens? you end up only HALF talking to me. the other 8/9 ths of the time ur wondering how this frend is and how that frend is and smsing this frend adn that frend. seriously dude.WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!! arguh. so damn annoying u know that? all of you are bloody bastards. being older does NOT mean more mature. especailly for guys who are ONE year older. how can u EXPECT someone to be COMFORTABLE around some one who doesnt even SEEM like he has the SLIGHTEST notion that you exist. thanks alot. for WASTING my time. it was GREAT. now.. im staying AWAY form you asshole.

about YOU. sigh. i cant believe i lose SLEEP over you. is it worth it? i have no idea. well. i'll be gone. for a week. i will apologize before i go and , well, i suppose i can only hope for the best aye? god only knows. oh boy i feel AWFUL. really awful. cos ur GREAT but im the ASSHOLE here. i NEVER think before i SPEAK. and well, it ALWAYS backfires. this one is just another one to add to my growing list of misfits and jumbles.. of friendships and life. bloody hell. not heaven. heavens too nice a place.:D arguh*smacks self in head* i hope i get eaten by a shark. i really do.


Sunday, June 11, 2006
OOOOOOOO ID LIKE TO CASTRATE EVERY SINGLE GUY ON THIS EARTH WITH A FORK. after taht, i'd slap em silly, make sure they FEEL the PAIN and SUFFERING they cause everyone to their BONES. then i'd do some cooking and feed them to tigers and lions in teh ZOO cos thats where they BELONG. there is only one exception to this HORRENDOUS but JUSTIFIED act and that would be my father. cos he is WONDERFUL! most of the time, if i get angry, it's cos of my mom. i'm daddy's girl. yesh.

i cannot BELIEVE i can be such and IDIOT. here i am wondering how to help YOU through times of tribulation and all that CRAP adn then you complain theres no one to talk to and i say what about ME?!?!?! and YOU say, oh. you're just a frend. i hardly kknow you and you hardly know me. well EXCUSE ME for being CARING and HELPFUL and LISTEN to your complaints. course, you're such an ANIMAL you would never realise that i happen to have FEELINGS! you bloody BASTARD. one day, one day you wait. i'm gonna use the F word and it's gonna be on YOU. blooody bastard.

about YOU. well i just cant be bothered to argue. i dont WANT to argue. you can go ahead and bloody well THINK WAD YOU WANT. i really don't give a damn. if you can't be bothered about you're frends, as YOU YOUR SELF named me. then why should i GIVE A DAMN about YOU? huh?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! complete idiot. i am that is. you? you're not an idiot. i am the idiot. you know why? cos i started it. then again. you continued it. i don't know why u even BOTHERED to apologize. you said you didnt care. so STICK to it.bloody hell.

i realise, a j1 should NEVER make frends with a j2. EVER.at least. in my case. a j1 GIRL should never make frends with a j2 GUY. bloody bastards.why? three reasons.

1. they dont APPRECIATE the fact that you are HUMAN too. anyone not their age is deemed worthless. wadever you say wont make any diff.
2.ANYTHING you do, whether u say it, dont say it, do it or dont do it, it WILL ALWAYS be wrong in their eyes. you will ALWAYS come across as immature and childish
3.you're just there for SHOW. in reality, they couldnt care TWO CENTS about you. or any peanuts about you either.

in a nutshell. yo could just STAY AWAY from men altogether. i think thats what i might do. its wad i ALWAYS used to do. but i though i might give em a chance. and VOILA! they so just proved my theory... stay away and we'll all be better off. get lost bastards.


Saturday, June 10, 2006
men are BEASTS. and they should have stayed in the zoo. you find taht perfect person who is SO like u and yet SO different. when that happens, take my advice and STAY AWAY from that person. you are VERY LIKELY going to have a fight with taht person because altho u may click very well in certain aspects, the clashing interests are VERY strong and override anything else. so STAY AWAY. especially if its a guy who has EXTREMELY stong ideas. bad bad idea. stay AWAY. im mostly saying this to make it sink into my MIND. but its not WORKING.ARGUH. and now im like PISSED. wad the hell. i mean heaven. wad the HEAVEN.

i realise i have these HOT FLASHES. like sudden intense, REALLY INTENSE feelings of hatred for someone. whoever it is. this time, its YOU. bloody bastard. and there is like residual feeligns after that. so i basically stay bloody angry with whoever it is for like, the whole day? yeah. so i wake up today and im PISSED. but like, hey thank god for frends rite?.. residual anger.. haha very funny. and like hell you apologize but there was never anythign there. so wadever that was ruined wasnt actually ruined in teh first place eh? wad the HEAVEN i cant give a damn. if you dont CARE i dont CARE EITHER! so go SCREW urself or wadever and i cant be BOTHERED. really i cant.

so wad do you do if someone is depressed? i have no idea.. it's kind of sad when 2 people are so close and then something happens and the whole thing CRUMBLES and one person is left in the gutter... thinking life is completely worthless. i realy REALLY cannot handle peoples emotions. maybe cos when ever i feel upset i dont tell people. so when they tell ME wad they feel i cant handle it cos i cant handle my own feelings in the first place. does taht make sense? i dont know. i HATE getting close to people and it's worse when people like to rush into a friendship. im like , dude SLOW down. i cant handle it. it takes me FOUR years to make a REALLY good frend, wad on earth makes u think that in 2 months im ur best frend? god only knows..


Friday, June 09, 2006
alrighties. everythin seems to be going smoothly. i emphasize on the seeeeeeeemssss. cos i realy dont know wads happening in teh background. i realise i type ATROCIOUSLY. oh well. dastardly fingers. ahhaha cool wwords man. INSUFFERABLE man. hahahahhahahha. go watch pride and prejudice.:D the one with colin firth. i LOVE elizabeth bennet. sharing the same name as her is not the point.



i don't believe it. ok i like review all the previous blog posts and then realise whenever i post, it always has someting to do with like, intense emotions. despair? maybe, anger, hell yeah, happiness, hahaha im guessing feeling like melted marshmellows can be counted.:D like wad the hel aye? it's like, life REALLY just LOVES to play with all of our emotions. bloody irritating but wad the hell can we do about it? nothing. plain NOTHING. sigh. wad the hell. so i find out that this thing im SUPPOSED to go for doesnt happen(which kinda like resulted in teh out burst in the previous post, dont take NAY notice of it tho) and then somehing happens TODAY which if the previous thing still went as planned would have resulted me in being in hell of a mess and screwed rite now.god really looks after us in mysterious ways. hahahaa. weirdo god but i LOVE god nonetheless. everything just seems to work out a hell of a lot and i REALLY should stop using the word hell. how bout... HEAVEN yeah. everything is working out HEAVEN well. fantastic eh? hahahahaha. ah well. dear me. my frend just got.. in a harsh term.. dumped. his gf broke up wif him. hmmm. sad. but like, im am HEAVEN not good at handling emotions so.. i cant say anything. or more like i dont know WAD to say. hahaha.wiat a mni. why am i laughing? i dont know. dear me. arent i MORBID? hmm or i could just be SADISTIC. god knows. yesh, only god knows. like that beach boy song. arguh. oh well. ok change the topic. world cup starts today. not like thats gonna affect me but yeah. my dad is like going out. haha. ah wells. i think men shouldnt complain that women spend time and money shopping when they do the same when it comes to soccer. then a gain. world cup is once in 4 years. shopping for women is 24/7. ok makes sense. COMPLAIN AWAY! ahaha cos it dont affect me dude. not in teh least. i dont go shopping and i dont watch football. i just.. waste time online and hopefully with frends.:D hahaha.

ive decided i wont get married. tho now ive said it im probably going to be the first one to get married. but wad the hell. why not get married?

1. u save over $100 000 on the whole wedding ceremony.
2. u save $1 mil in 2 years. think of the cost of raising a child.
3. u save a LOT of money on the future divorce settlement.
4. u get to live off your parents house and not need to worry about maintenence of your own home.
5. u dont need to worry about the constant need for showing the signficant other that u care.
6. u can hang out all night with your buddies without worrying about the other wondering where you are.
7. the world is a whole lot better off without ur public displays of affection
8. u make someone else very happy because ur intended significant other can marry that person
9. u can do WHAT ever you want
10. it really is less of a hassel

im horribly bad at coming up with lists. maybe i can find some. i dunno. they may not make sense to u but they make perfect sense to me:D toodles.


Thursday, June 08, 2006
im really really dead. i have NO idea what i should do with my life. ok cool ive got like wad, 2 best frends? yeah cool ok. but now wad? huh? wad? then, there might be a new addition, like im your bestie, but relax dude prob is i gotta get used to u first. sigh. u have gone to eat dinner. your life there sucks and u wanna come back. i want you to come back too!!! then well, ur somewhere watching god knows wad so i stone by myself on line wondering whether i should do something interesting then realise i dont know wad interesting thing i can do cos i dont know wad interesting thing TO do. you ran off to ur gf's house cos she's sick. reasonable. but that just means, hmmm, lets see, there is like, hmmm , one - two - three.. no, ZERO people to talk to online. or, more specifically, to bug or sumfin. thats more fun. and thats wad besties are for eh? course like HELLO?!?!?!?! its supposed to work like: im online YOU are online as WELL. other wise wads teh point. and it just ends up NO ONE to have and TALK to online. BORING. like HELLO!?!?! sheesh. pissed off cos of everything in a way. tho there is NOTHING to be complaining about. other than perfecting the art of being BORED. like super see duper whooopeee go and get lost loser. humph. arguh. idiot. why am i even HAVING this conversation. life is only WONDERFUL when the MOON is out and the sun sleeps. once the sun rises, EVERYTHING looks different in the day when the sun shines on everything. the romance of hte evening is GONE nad the feelings of passion and desire are gone as well. so was it all real? who on earth will know? will never know.. all the mystery and fantasizing all gone.. sigh. no point longing for things that will never be yours eh? haha. weirdo i swear. hey dude, its your freaking blog. i cant be bothered any more. wad you do is ur problem. hah. i mock thee. i mock thee big time. i think. just felt like saying that. hmmm.


Monday, June 05, 2006
ok this really sucks. i cannot stand it anymore and one day i will blow up if im not at my peak now. everything goes so DAMN smootily u start to wonder if there is a catch.. then u realise there IS a catch.. u get wonderful frends only to realise that these frends are..frends with this one person you will never ever EVER be able to forgive... EVER because of something that happened in your dark past.. very dark. i mean, u were willing to give it a shot but.. like it completely blew when she kinda gave the hint she didnt want anything...like to not patch up.. in a way.. anyways.. u knew her when she did horrible things.. so .. u kinda get the impression that shes gonna do the EXACT same thing now. and u dont LIKE it.. cos shes gona break up the friendship uve got with the 2 frends she made frends with that u knew FIRST mind u.. so now. ah well life really SUCKS
gosh i dont know whether its the feeling of JEALOUSLY or envy or.. just gawd damn possesivenes..
but when i think of it.. i dont care if theyre frends with anyone eles.. its just an issue if theyre frends with THAT PERSON.. yeah.. oh boy. life is so so sooooo screwed....