Saturday, August 19, 2006
im trying to listen to happy encouraging songs. but i dont feel inspired. i wonder why? ah wad the hell. haha. it wont work no matter wad. songs arent anti depressants. they depress me if anything. if its not some encouraging song that just makes me feel worse cos i realise that they neednt be depressed cos they are ALREADY famous singers, its some song about some story that makes me wish i lived in a fairy tale cos i realise how horrible life is to me. or at least how much i think it is.
i dont think that life is out to get me. its just im always tehre at the wrong time.
sigh.

now. now once more. another person goes. out of my life. i dont know why i bother making frends. cos all i ever do is lose them. in the future. it just becomes another aqauintance. i mean. fine.you keep in contact. email. letters. all that jazz. but. no more REAL frend. a frend you interact with.i could just shoot myself now and it would make no difference.

technically i dont exist. youre in new zealand, australia, america, poland, now england. so what if you are here in spore? it makes no diff. i dont really exist. a figment. of my own imagination. its a hopeless case. why dont you all go. its easier. all go. so i dont need to keep on falling back when another person goes. so much easier. erguh. why dont you all just get lost. annoying freak. all of you. go. leave me be in my own world. my own IMAGINATIVE WORLD as you ppl put it. you say i live in a worl of my own. FINE. i WILL. bastards. erguh.