Wednesday, July 05, 2006
you ask. am i alright? my reply. about a million dozen times is I DONT KNOW. the trouble is. half the time i dont know is that i get mixed emotions cos UR the one asking me... im not alright cos of you. i dont know. waht i do know is that i LVOE to talk to u. the only problem is i must STOP talking to u. because. wel. thats life. c'est la vie. but i cant stop. i cannot stop tlaking to u. and im making myself worse cos, according to that stupid freaking doctor, my 'mild depression'. hah. well yeah i get more and moer depressed the moer i tlak to u cos my imagination is going to be the ruin of me.

i mean it. and . well. i must stop talking to u. but. i . cant. cos its not that simple. not at all that simple. i. must try adn do soemthing.

my mom says im going to be malnutritionised or wads nots.
cos im not eating well.
all i eat is potatoes, noodles, bread adn rice. nothing else. i am going to die. oh well. no more worries for me then.
i know im doing it. but i cant seem to stop. and i was doing it so much before without realising the fact that i am killing myself. willfully? i have no idea. its like i knew but didnt know. like, i refused to think of it. which, well the thought never did occur to me.

and im going to starve adn die of starvation. and i will not be able t do anything abou it. well, other than eat. but i have no freaking will to eat. so how now brown cow? the bloody brown cow never paid any attention so wad makes u think he cares and is going to give u a freaking answer.? seriously. humans, especially me, have no brains. i am the only walking brainless creature that has managed to survive without a brain.

oh btw, u may wonder, why i tend to be less, outgoing in school? simple reason. i dont want to embarrass u. not infront of ur frends. not in front of anybody. no brain means lots of embarrassing things can happen. lots. so i dont want to risk it. so i dont really talk to u in shcool. im sorry if that offends you. but its for ur own good. i couldnt care less about my own welfare. no one cares and no one will ever care.

i hate doing things. i end up doing teh whole bloody thing and in teh end. people dont give a damn. no credit wads nots and no thank yous. i think im obsessive. i feel like the world is going to end if i dont get wad i want sometimes. all i need is a smile and i can face teh day. but i dont even get a glance. and that breaks my heart. a broken heart cannot get very far. not very far at all. i hate it. this stupid feeling of constant ebing depressed. adn yet i will my self into it. why? no brain. not logical. i am REALLY STUPID. really stupid.